i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
