operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
