He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
