The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
