Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
