so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
