Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
  Replies (4) Good night (3334) Bad night (450)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

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  (978): highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother. http://tfl.nu/jmn9
  Replies (10) Good night (3275) Bad night (644)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".

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  (403): I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby". http://tfl.nu/2blo
  Replies (49) Good night (587) Bad night (3350)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Swine flu is the new snow day.

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  (503): Swine flu is the new snow day. http://tfl.nu/92oq
  Replies (24) Good night (6228) Bad night (788)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?

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  (978): my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD? http://tfl.nu/bj44
  Replies (17) Good night (5195) Bad night (577)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza

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  (513): you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza http://tfl.nu/lm16
  Replies (7) Good night (3509) Bad night (676)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010

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  (610): I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010 http://tfl.nu/e381
  Replies (11) Good night (4585) Bad night (741)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

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  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (1043) Bad night (5909)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

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  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (8287) Bad night (998)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

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  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1593) Bad night (591)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers

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  (250): Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers http://tfl.nu/71zx
  Replies (3) Good night (1065) Bad night (417)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.

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  (636): On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013. http://tfl.nu/kcos
  Replies (6) Good night (1010) Bad night (284)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.

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  (724): Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall. http://tfl.nu/yi3c
  Replies (3) Good night (719) Bad night (302)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time

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  (775): He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time http://tfl.nu/8uxf
  Replies (4) Good night (279) Bad night (596)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...

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  (517): Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night... http://tfl.nu/6g5l
  Replies (1) Good night (149) Bad night (571)

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