I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
