theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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