I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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