Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
