Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize