Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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