I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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