I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
