your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
