1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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