i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
