For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
