life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
