I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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