Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sober January is a disaster.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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