Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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