Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i barfeds in our rink
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
