You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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