Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
