I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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