I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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