I just made out with a guy for $7.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
