You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
