i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
