How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
