Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
