yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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