i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
