I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
