i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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