He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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