She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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