They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
