nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
