Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
