My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
