Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
