We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
