At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
