seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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