Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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