I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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