I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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