How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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