So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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