More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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