did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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