I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
