You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
