i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
