I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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