You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
