I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
