I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
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so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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