i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
