you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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