everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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