I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
