I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize