You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
