Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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