I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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