Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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