I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
