I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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